Sweetest Release Page 4

  “We need both of our incomes. I don’t think Jason’s job is going to be able to float everything. Not to mention I’ve lost all of my benefits. I was making really good money. I don’t know how easy it’s going to be to find something making the same amount, or at least something close to it.”

  “I know. Well, if you need any help with anything, I am here for you. Whatever it is, I’ll do it.”

  Trina was a strong woman, but I knew she needed a shoulder to lean on right now, and she had every right to. I wanted to be there for as much as I could.

  I stayed quiet and kept to myself for most of the day, trying to avoid conversation as much as possible. I knew we were in trouble, but I was still angry about what happened to Trina.

  Just before 5:00 PM, Trina texted me, and asked if I could come over. Jason was out of town, so I knew she wanted the company.

  I replied that I would after I stopped off at my house first. When I returned home, James was sitting on the couch watching a movie.

  “You look like shit,” he said as I entered the living room.

  Oh, how endearing, I thought.

  “That would be because I feel like shit. They let Trina go today. She wants me to come over tonight, so I’m going to get a few things together and then I’m heading out for the evening.”

  “I don’t get women,” he murmured.

  All I could do was walk away. How can he make such an ignorant comment?

  His attitude was getting on my nerves, and despite the circumstances, it would be a nice reprieve to be away from him, if only for an evening.

  CHAPTER 4

  _______

  My evening with Trina went much better than I’d expected.

  Rather than wallow in the grief, we handled the evening with poise, and like any classy woman would do, we enjoyed several glasses of wine. We enjoyed enough wine to take the edge off of the day until the whole fiasco became somewhat tolerable and less dire. Because Trina only lived five minutes from the office, my commute was much shorter and I arrived to work earlier than normal.

  I had just settled in when I the vibration of my phone on my desk. Surprise, surprise!

  It was Devin.

  I felt a little remorse about ignoring him the last time he tried to talk to me, but there was a vindictive side of me that told me it was the right thing to do. He deserved a little suffering after all! A tiny dose of heartache wouldn’t be bad on occasion.

  I opened the text to read what he wrote.

  Let’s meet up this weekend.

  Presumptuous of him, considering I’d flat out ignored him the last time he tried to con me into meeting up. I contemplated if it was worth it to reply.

  With all that was going on at work, I thought against sending him a message back, at least right away. I wanted to make him wait.

  I was busy typing up a response to one of my clients when Mary strolled through my office door.

  “Unfortunately, Miss Natalie, we need to talk.”

  I knew this would not be good. When one said, ‘we need to talk,’ what came next was never pleasant, at least, not usually. As Mary turned to close the door, apprehension coursed through my body.

  “What’s going on?” I asked, struggling to inject any strength into my voice.

  “Marianne informed me this morning that they’re going to be switching some people around to different departments, including you.”

  “Why are they moving me?” I interjected.

  I was becoming impatient.

  “Long story short, yes, they are planning on moving you to a different department. They’re tentatively moving you to the social media team, proofing all of our web content before it’s posted. However, your salary will go down some with this change.”

  Not only a position change but also my income is decreasing as well? The absurdity of it all was too much to take in.

  "I tried to talk them down from it, but they are adamant that these department changes are going to be made. I’m sorry, Natalie."

  Numbness took hold of me once more. I wondered when the heartache would end, and each day I grew increasingly exhausted of how abysmal my life was becoming.

  It was like being on a rollercoaster ride, permanently stuck in your seat with no chance of escaping. The only thing I could do was wish like hell for a way off of it.

  I knew I needed to cling to what little hope I had left, but it was difficult.

  “Mary, that doesn’t seem like a good use of my qualifications.”

  “I agree, but you know I don’t make the rules. If it makes you feel any better, I’m not happy about it, either.”

  “I know. Thank you for going to bat for me, Mary. It means a lot to me.”

  As soon as Mary left my office, several questions popped up in my mind. Had I been thinking, I would’ve asked her while she was still in my office. But the onslaught of bad news paralyzed my mind. I had so many things I wanted to say and wanted to ask, but everything in my head was blank, and empty.

  In between proofing work for clients, I browsed through a few staffing agency websites. I hated the thought of looking for another job. I liked it here, and most everything was great. Until now. I was almost at my breaking point, and nothing seemed to matter anymore.

  I spent most of the day feeling miserable. When it was time for my lunch break, I begrudgingly called my mom. I had no one else to turn to at this point. Sparing as few details as possible, I went over everything that had transpired in the last few days. I’d bottled up my feelings and emotions too long, and now it was time to come clean and explain to her what was going on.

  Amazingly, she handled it better than I’d thought, and she offered to let me stay the night. She thought it would be best if I removed myself from the situation for a while.

  “Natalie, you know you can always come home.”

  “I appreciate that, but I don’t want to be a bother, Mom.”

  “It’s never a bother. And right now, you need to get out of that house. You need some time away.”

  Truthfully, she was right. I did need time away.

  Gladly accepting her offer, I told her I needed to make a quick trip home after work before coming over. To my dismay, James was there when I arrived back home.

  “Packing up to go to your boyfriend’s house for the night?”

  His claim appalled me. What would ever make him think this way? Beyond work and family, I hardly spoke to other men at all. Much less, snuck around.

  “What?” I asked, rolling my eyes.

  “You heard me.”

  “Hardly,” I said icily.

  “Where are you going, then?”

  “I’m staying over at my parents’ house tonight. Mom offered earlier for me to come over.”

  “That’s typical of you to go running home when things aren’t going your way.”

  His words were cold, and his hostility made me loathe him even more. My last shreds of tolerance for his attitude heavily frayed, and at any point I would explode. But despite my anger, I said nothing.

  Tossing a few things into my overnight bag, I left the house not saying a word. His disrespect wasn’t worth wasting any of my precious energy on, and I savored the day he would be out of my life once and for all.

  As I pulled into my parents’ driveway, my phone vibrated. I assumed it was James, but as I checked my messages when I got out of the car, I realized it wasn’t James.

  It was Devin.

  Like a shadow on a sunny day, he never left, and no matter where I went, he would always be somewhere in the background.

  CHAPTER 5

  _______

  When Friday rolled around, I really was thanking God it was Friday. I wasn’t sad to see the week come to a close. It had been nothing short of miserable.

  The day went by like a breeze and with no excitement, which was a welcome change of pace.

  Around lunchtime, James sent me a message to let me know he was staying
at Nathan’s for the night. What a relief! For the first time in a while, I could go home to some peace and quiet.

  As I pulled into the garage, I reminded myself that my peace was only temporary, since James would be back at some point. But, I would enjoy it while it lasted.

  Since I had no plans, I sat down with a glass of wine and read for a few hours before bed. Being a professional editor was rewarding, but sometimes it was nice to sit down and read a completed and perfected manuscript. It was nice to submerge myself and get lost between the words on the pages.

  I picked up a novel from my bookshelf I’d purchased quite some time ago and sat down in my chair. About three chapters into the novel, my phone went off. I didn’t have to guess who it was my intuition told me everything I needed to know.

  Without fail, it was exactly whom I thought it would be: Devin.

  Hey, babe. Hope everything is ok with you.

  Calling me babe? It was another bold move on his behalf. I wasn’t anything to him anymore, yet he wanted to act like I was.

  I had a feeling about what he wanted, but I wouldn't fall for it. I certainly wasn’t his 'toy' to play with. It was unfortunate he couldn’t let go of me.

  I wondered if it aggravated him that I hadn’t replied the day before. Oh well, I thought. He will figure out a way to deal with it.

  I hated being petty, but I had an obligation to protect my heart. My wounds still hadn’t fully recovered from last time.

  I waited two hours before I responded, allowing him plenty of time to ruminate in annoyance. I wanted to him to get irritated. I wanted him to feel frustrated, the way I felt frustrated about him showing up out of the blue, acting as though he hadn’t destroyed my heart. He needed to feel pain even if he only felt a small amount.

  I typed out a few different messages before I finally settled on one. I wanted my message to be short, and to the point, and with no hint of excitement. I didn’t want him to think I was happy to hear from him. I couldn’t hand over my power like that.

  Yes, everything is fine.

  The message was concise and blunt, and exactly what I hoped I would project. Without hesitation, I hit the send button, feeling resolute in what I typed back to him.

  I hoped he would take the hint and stop trying to talk. Somehow, I had a troublesome feeling that this would not be enough, and that he wouldn’t pick up on my subtle curtness, but I couldn’t go down the path of heartache again. I nearly destroyed me the first time around, and I couldn’t afford to do that over again.

  Unsurprisingly, he didn’t pick up on my cue. My phone buzzed again.

  I miss you, Natalie. I hope we will meet soon. Been dying to see you.

  I rolled my eyes. God he is revoltingly cheesy, I thought. Only a clown would write something like that to a grown woman. But as saccharine as it was, it was almost charming. Almost.

  I grimaced at my thought. Am I falling for him again? Surely I’m not, I thought.

  The idea made me feel ill. I couldn’t do this song and dance. I couldn’t take the pain of losing him again.

  I felt my phone buzz again. It was obvious he was eager to talk, and I decided to play it to my full advantage. I texted him back with another short reply, offering no details, nor a time I wanted to meet up.

  We will.

  That was all I said. Short, sweet, and to the point. I decided it was time to return to my book, and if he messaged me again, I’d let him hang there in the silence once more.

  Another hour passed, and not a single notification appeared on my phone. Good, I thought. I read through a few more chapters before deciding to retire for the evening.

  As I lied in bed, my mind drifted to Devin, which angered me. Why could I not stop thinking about him? A tiny voice in the back of my mind whispered foolish things telling me that perhaps he wanted try our relationship again. I wondered if he still loved me. I wondered if I was his only regret.

  I stared up at the ceiling, watching the blades of the fan spinning endlessly, around and around. I had lost count of how many sleepless nights I had over the last seven years over Devin. His love was a noxious poison, which ate away at my soul.

  And yet, I didn’t want to be without him. The thought of spending the rest of my life without him seemed wrong.

  But even having that thought was wrong! I had a husband. A cheating one no less, but he would still be there until I could find the strength to free myself from him.

  Devin made me question everything I’d felt over the last several years. I tried so hard to repress my feelings for him, but I couldn’t fight back any longer. My emotions were bubbling below the surface of my heart, and they threatened to devour it whole.

  After tossing and turning for an hour or more, I drifted to sleep. When I woke the next morning, I immediately checked my messages, secretly hoping that Devin had sent me a message. To my disappointment, he had not. I should’ve felt relieved, but it disheartened me he didn't care enough to say anything.

  I didn’t want to start my weekend off like this, nor did I want to stay in this place of misery all damn day.

  I kept busy to distract myself. As I got ready, I went over my hair meticulously, more so than I usually did. Most days, I was content with pulling it back into a bun and calling it a day. But today I wanted to take my time, and give it body, something it didn’t normally have.

  I was just finishing up applying my lipstick when my phone rang. My mother’s voice was on the other end to greet me.

  “Are you awake, dear?”

  “Yes, Mom, I am. Are we getting together today?”

  “I assumed we probably were, but I wanted to call and make sure. Have you sat down yet to talk with James?”

  “No,” I said sheepishly. “He wasn’t here last night. He stayed the night at Nathan’s.”

  “You know at some point you need to figure things out with him. You have some tough decisions ahead of you, Natalie. But, I’m sure you’ll make the right ones.”

  I wasn’t so sure about that. My track record with making decisions wasn’t very strong when it came to relationships.

  “I hope so, Mom.”

  After I ended the call, I hoped that she couldn’t sense the glum tone in my voice.

  She picked me up around noon to grab a bite to eat before we headed out for a day of retail therapy. Shopping always made both of us feel good. There was something about bringing home a new pair of shoes that made dealing with grievances just a tad bit better.

  It was the most tranquil day I’d had in quite some time. For a brief period, I could focus on something else besides work, and the men who enjoyed causing trouble and breaking my heart.

  My relaxed state quickly faded when my phone went off.

  “Is that James?” my mother asked.

  “Nope. It’s Devin.”

  “Devin? I didn’t realize you were back to speaking to each other.”

  “We really aren’t. He just thinks we are,” I said solemnly.

  I felt myself losing control over tempering my feelings, and I knew she would not go unnoticed.

  “What have you been discussing with him? Did you tell him about your issues with James right now?”

  What were we playing? Twenty questions? Her questions annoyed me, and I knew I had to reign in my exasperated expression now, or else there would be even more questions to come.

  “We haven’t talked much. He did tell me that he moved back to town though.”

  “I see,” she said through pressed lips.

  Though she nodded her head as she spoke, I knew her nod was not one of approval. Her firm expression was a warning, and I received her warning loud and clear.

  We continued to browse through the clothing racks a while longer, but nothing captured my attention. It wasn’t until we were getting ready to leave the store, when on a display near the entrance I spotted the most adorable sundress, complete with a beautiful floral pattern. Once I spotted it, I knew I wouldn’t lea
ve empty-handed.

  “You’d better make sure that fits,” Mom said.

  “I will. But I’m pretty sure it will work.”

  Mom waited outside the dressing room area while I tried on the dress. As I looked at in the mirror, I saw it fit perfectly, and I loved how playful the style was. It was lively and carefree, and the embodiment of spring.

  But as I was changing, Devin emerged into my thoughts again. I wondered if he would like it. Why do I give a shit what he thinks? He won't see me in it anyway, I thought.

  Like an idiot, I couldn’t let it go. I had to know if it appealed to him or not. Before I knew it, I’d fired off a picture to him, and within seconds he responded.

  You look so damn beautiful.

  That senseless phrase had me elated, and my heart swelled with joy. Good God. Why the hell do I let him do this to me? I was begging for trouble by doing that.

  I quickly typed back.

  Thanks.

  Moments later, he responded, but not with a comment. Instead, he responded with a question and it was a question that deep down, I wanted him to ask.

  For some irrational, unexplainable reason there was a part of me that wanted to see him.

  He asked me if I was free for the evening, and like the sucker I was, I threw all caution to the wind. Without any hesitation at all, I resoundingly said yes.

  CHAPTER 6

  _______

  As she pulled out of the driveway and waved goodbye, the countdown began. I knew I only had a short amount of time to get ready. I told him I would come over in an hour or so, but the time was running out fast.

  As I hurried through the backdoor, I heard James’ voice on the phone, and I froze in the doorway, and my stomach twisted into knots. Panic set in as I my mind scrambled to find a way of pulling off my meeting with Devin tonight. This is so wrong, I thought. I can’t go through with this.

  But it was too late now. I’d already said yes and agreed to do this. I had to come up with a plan to leave the house, but I wasn’t certain of what that plan should be.